So who feels like me?

I feel so restricted. I am here at home feeling like I am going through mindless internet browsing so I ask my house mates to hang out with me. Instead they go and watch stupid videos together leaving me here in this mindless monotony again.   I just wanted to do stuff with them. They keep telling me I have to tell them what to do or suggest something. Absolutely nothing comes to mind but the idea of us hanging out (generic picture in my mind). They persist in saying I have to suggest something. All I feel is I want to spend quality time with them. Why can't they engage with me in trying to figure out something we all can do together, showing that they care enough to meet my need for interaction with them? I can't just think of a specific thing to do of the top of my head. I can only think of the feelings, emotions, and fun I want to have and share with them.  Why can't they understand this? They keep saying "all you do is card games or sit on your phone mindlessly." Pointing out the very issue I am trying to avoid, isn't really helping the progression into something fun that we can all do together. Instead it creates much conflict and I feel so bad that I am causing all of this distress so I just internalize and shut down.  This, I know is a red flag but I don't know how else to deal. I feel very alone and I just want and long for a meaningful connection as simple as hanging out and enjoying each other; none of this stagnant, zone out on a computer crap.  To their credit they are also introverts and spent a lot of time today around mass amounts of people as did I. Still doesn't discount how I feel in all this. So let me ask this. Does anybody understand, maybe if only just a little, how I am feeling or understand why I am acting this way? I have a deep longing that keeps persisting and I don't know how to deal with it or fill its thirst.

Can't Play It

It's really stressful to me when I try to create music. It just doesn't "come" to me like I see it come to others. I want so much to write music to express my emotions. It frustrates me that it doesn't come naturally. Why won't it play like I want it. I can't think up cool guitar parts and play them. Randomly tunes will pop in my head but even if I'm around a guitar I can't make it sound anything like what I hear in my head. God please help me overcome this. Or give me a vocal challenger at least. I can't keep learning by singing along to songs in my car. Something has got to change. God, I'm asking please.

When Everything Turns Upside Down, I've Still Got You to Cling to

Inside I am beautiful. Like the poetry in motion seen only on a battlefield in someone's soul. Bloodstained, my heart torn, crying out for life and love. Beauty, too few can really see but those who can know that inside I am bursting with hope for all. No matter how ugly my own struggles get there is something, deep and powerful shining just below the surface. Even I cannot begin to unlock what is hidden inside but someone out there can. A shining glimmer of it in my eye, when I cry for justice, love, and beauty in and for others. I am a hero at heart though my victories be few. I cannot begin to leave out that in myself there are still battles to be fought, scars to be earned, loves to be lost, and dreams to be shattered. But still... I must keep fighting on in hopes that someday I will truly shine like I am meant to; piercing even into the darkest of others souls, in hopes that someday they too will unlock the beauty hidden in the darkness. We are all fighting this battle of darkness and light. All of us beautiful, all of us in love, in hope for the day when light becomes our everything. The day Light becomes the hero inside of us. Till then we must fight on...